This has been a long day. It started @3:30 a.m. I was up and on my way to the airport by 4:00. Got the call late yesterday that my dad was in the hospital. My sister sobbing on the phone, talking about a heart attack. Felt like I was in a fog, arranging jobs, packing clothes, giving Ned directions on feeding the cats.
Arrived in Chicago @ 8:00 a.m. and came directly to the hospital with my sisters. If you haven't experienced it, there is something startling, scary, and very, very serious when you see one of your parents in a hospital bed. Dad looked sort of sunken, and tired and old. I often have to remind myself that my parents are getting old(er!). I always feel so fortunate that they are both still here. But to see one of them like this breaks my heart. The doctors and the entire staff @ Lutheran General Hospital have been nothing short of professional, informative and caring. Conor joined us later on and we discussed things like the will, last wishes, etc. Topics that need to be discussed.
The memories of my life, the overwhelming sadness of the situation, combined with the need to stay present....very, very present in this moment now. This is what we have. Dad with his children, gathered around him today. Laughing at his corny jokes, telling stories, long pauses of silence in between.
Now, the hospital room is dark. Outside, cars go by in the night, headlights leaving trails of light in the long exposure photo I took from the window. The machines working to record dad's blood pressure and heart rate are purring next to his bed. Gretel and Conor have gone home for the night. Ann and I are here, illuminated by our laptops in the dark of the hospital room. It has been a long day. Right now, this very moment, is all we can count on for now. I love my family.
Expect good things....
