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| Rye Grass @ Balsam Farm, 6/2/11 |
I had an interesting experience this afternoon. I was headed over to Jim's and had to stop for gas (by the way--I saw gas for $4.79 for regular on North Main Street in East Hampton today!), so I pulled into Hess in Wainscott. This place has the cheapest gas in town, and so it is always busy. And today--this Friday afternoon in June--was no exception. Weekenders, landscapers, average folks like me.....all preoccupied with filling our tanks and moving on. I thought I would pay in cash, so I got out of the car and headed towards the cashier. About half-way to the register, I decided to use my debit card instead. So, I turned around and headed back towards the pump. I had to pass another car on the way. There was a woman standing there, and as I walked by she said: "Excuse me. Do you think you could help me out?" I asked her what she needed, and she said: "Can you help me with some gas? I don't have my wallet with me and I have to get back to Manhattan."
Two things happened to me in that moment. The first thing that happened was that I recognized that I was observing myself. And here is what I saw: I suddenly felt defensive and had thoughts like, "Do I look like a sucker? Do you think I am going to fall for a scam like this?" I realized I was shutting myself off from the conversation I was in with this woman. The second thing that happened was that I took a closer look at her. The main thing that I remember about her was that she looked real tired. In her face--I mean in her eyes--she looked tired. She was dressed nicely enough. She had on a wrinkled, denim sundress with a tee-shirt underneath. On her feet were black patent-leather-looking shoes that she was wearing like slippers. Her hair was pulled back into a windblown ponytail. I glanced into the car. There were two adults in the front seat--a man and an older woman. And there were two kids in the back seat. I quickly surmised that this woman was sitting in the back seat with them. It looked cramped and hot and I figured that was why her dress was wrinkled. And her face--she had a tiredness in her eyes that I could identify with.
I was fumbling with my wallet and had some cash out from my expected transaction with the cashier. I had a couple of $20's and a few singles. I found myself saying: "Well, I know it looks like I have a lot of money here, but I have to use it for other things. I can give you my singles." As soon as I said it, it felt like a really lame thing to say. I handed over the singles; she was extremely grateful and thanked me profusely. I turned and walked to my car and started filling up the tank. I saw her walk to the cashier.
I started to question myself and my reaction. I considered the situation: out of the 3 adults in the car, somehow she got nominated to solicit help for gas money. I thought, "What if I was in a situation like this? Would I be able to ask for help?" As I finished up, she got back to their car and began pumping gas. In other words, she went inside with the $8.00 I had given her and bought gas. I put my gas cap on and went back to speak to her. I asked her: "What are you going to do? How are you going to get home?" She told me that they would go as far as they could, and then stop to ask for help again. I went back to my car and took out a $20.00 bill and gave it to her. "Oh, thank you!" she said. "May you be blessed for your generosity."
I got in my car and drove away. I often feel tired from my life, and I feel broke a lot of the time. But I have work, and I have food, and I had money to put gas in my car today. I have my family and friends and my health. And I can only hope that I have the courage that this woman has. I hope I can ask for help when I need it. I may have been taken advantage of--maybe they were running a scam. But I am going to believe that they needed help, that she had the courage to ask for it, and that I gave it to them.
Expect good things....
